i know i haven't posted in a while, but i have so many thoughts right now that i need to put out into the universe!
i was just talking with my host family over dinner, and we were discussing the many ways we can speak the word of God to the people around us. my host mom was saying that she had always wondered if she was saying the right things to people, or if she had said different things in the past maybe she would have made a difference in more peoples lives. and i told her that it isn't what we say, but what God says through us. i have realized this year that if i took on the burden of changing peoples lives all by myself i wouldn't get anything done because i would be so stressed. if i always said, i need to use my own words and my own actions to change the lives around me, what would come from it? and how narcissistic does that sound? i am serving a God this year that has the power to move mountains. who am i if i don't beleive this same God can speak through me; and for that matter, a God that can speak through all of the Christians on this earth at one time?
a lot of the people i encounter this year at the different concerts we put on seem to think that i am perfect just because i am on a Christian ministry team. it makes it hard for people who haven't led very perfect lives to think they can approach me. for the longest time, i thought that i had to live up to their expectations of who i was going to be like, and i basically faked it. it got to be super overwhelming until one night i was praying and i realized that i could serve more people and speak to more people if i just decided to be totally honest about my life and the mistakes i had made. i was amazed by the power of God the next day, because a high school girl came up to me out of the blue and told me about all of the things she was getting in trouble for. she was into sex, drugs, alcohol, and there was trouble at home. i sat down with her and was honest about all of the things i had done that i wasn't proud of, and i got to tell her that what she had done wasn't unfixable. i got to tell her that she was a beautiful girl who was created in God's image, no matter what she had on her record, and i got to tell her this because i was honest with myself and with her about who i was. God works and speaks in amazing ways, and it isn't all on our shoulders to do the work. he speaks through us.
one other thing i was talking about with my host home tonight was the idea that God speaks through people by using the gifts He has given them. i am not very good with speaking in front of people, but God has given me the gift of singing and playing piano. leading worship this year has been very eye opening because i have realized that music can speak to people more than spoken words sometimes. when my teammates and i are leading worship and i look out into the congregation and see people smiling and crying all at the same time, i know that God is speaking to them. it has been a life changing experience using my God given talent for more than just personal gain, and i wouldn't trade it for anything.
